Monday, October 17, 2011

Cole vs. Phiten

Phiten is not real. I don't mean that it doesn't exist. It's obviously a real company and I think a brilliant marketing scheme. I mean it doesn't do anything.

"But I did the balance test in a mall one time and I totally was better with it on."
OH MY GOD! You were better at balancing once you knew someone was going to push you over?!?! That is brilliant! In no way is that basic human instinct to resist falling - that's magical ionized Phiten metal goodness. There are no necklaces you can wear that will make you into an athlete. There are necklaces you can wear that make you look like an idiot. Braided "team color" Phiten being the best example.

"Hey Cole, what about all the athlete that endorse it and swear it helps them?"
That's a good point. Because all athletes really do use the things they endorse, not only that - that product is most likely what got them to level they're at today. No. That's not true. I was being sarcastic. An athlete's endorsement does not make something good. If you don't believe me, go try to buy the Nike glove that Halladay uses. Ya, it doesn't exist. That's a Rawlings cut that has a Nike swoosh sewn on it. Still not convinced? How bout this - McDonalds is an official sponsor of the US Olympic Team. Really? Is Michelle Kwan snacking on a 6 piece before doing a routine? No chance. Just cause athletes use it doesn't mean it's real.

"I feel better when it's on."
Yes. That may be true. But if I took your Phiten band and replaced it with one that looked the same but didn't have any magic metal in it - would you still be as magically "enhanced"? This is a perfect example of the placebo affect people. And that, unlike Phiten, is a real thing and has proved by the scientific method. Phiten proves that you will wear a really ugly bracelet if it has a Red Sox logo on it. Also, for anyone that, like me, that has worn a necklace everyday for an extended period of time, if it broke, you'd feel really weird without it on. Kind of like when people say they feel "naked" when they're not wearing their favorite ring or something. It's the same thing!!! People get used to things, and it makes them feel more comfortable - but there's no necklace that's gonna improve your balance.

Don't trust athletes about this stuff. We're talking about a group of people who won't wash their underwear, or only eat chicken if they think it's helping them win. But I don't see people getting on those trains. But hey, if you think it helps then its more than doing it's job. All I'm saying is this - don't expect it to make it run faster and jump higher.

We all know that only Benny's PF Flyers do that.

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