As promised, I am continuing my three part "Baseball How To" series. Even though they are published about a week apart, they still count as the same series, think of it like the season finale of "The Office" which apparently is never going to happen, or already has happened and I just didn't notice cause that show has gone downhill faster than a Swiss skier.
Today's topic will cover the various way to (and not to) get yourself removed from a baseball game. These are only the ones that apply to players and managers, so don't come here looking for a way to get yourself evicted from watching a game. I have never been ejected from a game, but I've been around a good amount of it and I can tell you - there are certain do's and don'ts.
1. The "Bull Durham"
For anyone who has seen the movie, you know where I'm going with this one. There are certain things you just can't say to an umpire, and if you do, you're gonna get tossed. The interesting thing about this particular point is that if you don't point the insult directly at the umpire, you actually might be ok. You could say, "That was a c*&$*%ing call." That's okay, you're allowed to show your disapproval if you do it in a way that doesn't go directly after the umpire, but as soon as you turn the insults against them, you're gonna spend the rest of the game watching from the clubhouse TV.
2. The Point
Don't. Ever. Point. Umpires are prideful creatures, they don't wanna get shown up after they make a call, even if the call is horrible. You can turn to an umpire and tell him that you think he should move to France and become a mime, that he couldn't see a freight train if it was parked in his living room, that he has a better chance of calling Sonny Bono than calling this game. But never point. The crowd can't hear what you're saying to an umpire, but EVERYONE can see when you point. As soon as that finger extends, or that bat reaches out - you're getting tossed like cob salad.
3. Can't Drop, Won't Drop
This one usually applies to managers, and it happens when they just will not drop a bad call. For those of you that watch baseball habitually, you're are likely to have seen an Umpire eject a manager seemingly randomly, maybe in the middle of an at-bat and usually while they are in the safety of their own dugout. Let me shed some light on this issue for you. What you are not seeing as you watch Sunday Night Baseball is the manager or pitching coach jawing at the umpire for the past 15 minutes, harassing him on every call he makes. The pelting of words can be relentless, and ballplayers are really good at being petty and mean when the situation calls for it. If a manager comes out and argues a call, that's part of the game - he's showing support for his team, and letting the umpire know that he thinks a mistake has been made. But after he returns to his coaching box, or the dugout, that's to be the end of it. When it's not, when the manager, coach or player will just not drop that bone, that's when you're gonna get run.
These three points come in a variation of different shapes and sizes, but more often than not, an ejection comes as a result of one of these three. I hope I was able to shed some light on why, and sometimes why not, people get thrown out of baseball games - there's more to it than just someone's feeling....usually.
Today was a short one, but think of it as a pitcher's duel - lots of ground balls, action early in the count, and you look up 100 minutes later and you're in the bottom of the 9th. Thanks for reading as always, and I hope everyone is having a good start to their summer. Please follow me on twitter (@C_M_Cook) and email me with anything that comes to mind, maybe with the exception of boyfriend problems (colecook.soc@gmail.com). Besides that, be safe out there and GO TRIBE!!
