Just A Quickie

Don't worry - though this title might be a cause for concern - it simply refers to the length of today's post and not anything filthy.

I was forced to go to Coffee Bean today (I know I'm not in LA when I can't find a Starbucks)  and while I was trying to figure out what a Frappacino was called there I realized the following -

Because of all the chains that are competing with one another over the sale of basically the exact same product, we now have like 50 words for each type of thing we are looking to buy. And while I get the need to try to brand yourself as a company, and by naming the things you sell different names than the competition you set yourself apart - but it also leads to conversations like this.

Me - "Hi there, could I have a  venti vanilla mocha Frappacino please?"
Barista - "I don't know what that is."

Full disclosure, I was texting my buddy while ordering - and that's really rude. In retrospect, this wasn't a good start.

M - "Don't know what what is?"
B - "A venti Frappacino."
M - "It's just like a blended iced coffee."
B - "Oh, a Coffee Ice Blended Drink?"

I have now stopped texting and I realized this person wants a battle. Alright, "Amy", I'm not busy - lets do this.

M - "Is that what it's called here?"
B - "That's what it says on the menu doesn't it?"
M - "You mean the poster hanging over your head? I don't know - I hadn't read your 'menu'."
B - "Well if you had, you would know - they're called Coffee Ice Blended Drinks."
M - "Thrilling. One of those please."

She thinks she's won. I concede victory. Notch this victory into the waistband your Coffee Bean apron, sweetheart.

B - "What flavor and size?"
M - "Mocha, the middle size is fine."
B - "We have small, medium and large."

I'm not gonna bite, Amy. I just want a coffee.

M - "Okay, cool."
B - "......which size would you like?'

I bite.

M - "Seriously? Of 'small, medium and large' which do you think is the middle?"
B - "So you'll have a medium then."
M - "Yaaa...venti is fine. Glad we talked this out."

She's already typed it in her machine, but when I say 'venti', I see her swallow a very gratifying lump of anger. She still tries to get in the last word. She turns to the other barista who is actually making drinks, and pausing between each word she asks for -

B - "One MEDIUM, MOCHA ICE COFFEE ICE BLENDED DRINK." 
M - "Thanks, I'm gonna miss you a tall amount."

Sarcasm is dripping off my farewell like caramel of a freshly dipped apple. She shoot me a smile that could curdle milk and turns to the next person in line.

Don't worry my bloggees - this one isn't over. For whatever reason, someone is smiling on today and the barista making my drink announces -

Other Barista - "Venti Mocha Frappacino"

Victory.