The Demolition Of My Beard

Got the blog bug yesterday - and people actually read it, which is cool. Technically, all I know is that people looked at the page. Maybe you closed the window before any of my terrible ideas could permeate your brain - in which case the fact that you're back is rather self destructive behavior and you should seek therapy (my brother might be able to help you out).

Today, as the title of this post would suggest, is going to explore the destruction of my facial hair. This is one of the worst parts of playing minor league baseball. Given - that is a VERY short list, long bus rides, begin away from your family would also be on there. But it is part of it, and with every job comes sacrifice - so here is an account of mine.

This is what I usually look line in the offseason. I've always liked having facial hair, in high school I started growing what I, at the time, thought was a goatee and after some recollection, turns out was brown alfalfa sprout looking things from my chin. That turned into a Kerry Wood type of goatee when I was at Pepperdine. That along with a "long hair - don't care" look made Jordan Casas (outfielder with the Indians) thought I looked quite crazy when I faced him in the 2010 season opener at Long Beach. 

Alright - lets get on with it. This is step one. It's kinda like a Jersey-Shore-DBag pencil thin jaw beard which I always think seem really weird and most of the time they're just used to help fat people create a jaw line for themselves. Every time I see that look I want to tell them that they're not fooling anyone - but then I chicken out. 

From here we go to the what I imagine every Civil War general looked like. Yes - I have seen pictures of Grant and Jackson and they don't look like this - but leave me alone. Stop trying to kill my dreams. The stupid look with my eyes that I have in this picture I believe no Civil War general EVER wore, this is the look that comes with taking pictures of your beard with the "take-pictures-of-yourself-cause-you're-a-vain-iPhone-user" setting on my phone's camera.

This look is actually the one I liked best - Eric Thames (who is playing LF/DH for the Blue Jays now) perfected this look when were at Pepperdine together. On a side note, he is the current king of big league facial hair, next time he's on ESPN check it out. Whenever I see anyone with the Fu Manchu I will always compare it Thames'. And no - mine doesn't hold up at all :''-(. *I hope thats the face for a crying frowny guy, my phone has emojis*

This final step before going back to the good ol "clean shaven" look is what I was rocking in Lake County for about a month when we had a mustache pool and everyone was doing it together. It truly is one of the worst looks ever. I mean - when I have my druthers, I cover up half my face anyway, so adding the worlds ugliest mustache to it probably isn't gonna turn any better than someone from "To Catch a Predator".

Finally - about half an hour later (thanks to photo breaks and my absurd habit of never letting a song play to the end) I get down to the look that I started out for. This is the look that us minor leaguers are supposed to wear.  All kidding aside, one of the things that I most look forward to about playing in the Show is the ability to pitch with a beard - who knows maybe I'm like Samson with his hair (it COULD be possible).

And thats that. I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Westgate, AZ, done with therapy for the day and waiting for it to be 1:30 so I can go watch "Our Idiot Brother" even though my father thinks it looks like, "a movie for lost college idiots." Thanks Daddy. I'm gonna go see it anyway.

As always, if you're still reading at this point you're probably my mother or you work as a day guard in an owl prison (think about it). If you don't already - go ahead and follow me on twitter (http://twitter.com/#!/C_M_Cook). Until next time - Via Con Dios. Have fun out there.