Coming Home

I was told a couple days ago that I will be going home sometime next week, I almost did a cartwheel. This, combined with the fact that the instructs and parallel league guys going home made me think of reentering civilian life after being a ballplayer. That might be an odd way of thinking about it, but I assure you - it's a harsh adjustment. I'm sure it has nothing on coming home for a tour of duty, or the culture shock of going to an African village on a Peace Corps operation - but it is a difference none the less.

If you have a ballplayer coming back into your life in the next couple days, or you had one back early in September, you may have noticed that while we are all happy to be back, and the length of the season left us all drained - we also seem a little distant and on edge. I will try to explain why this, in the best way I can, from my experiences.

Baseball is a very closed off world. In the minor leagues especially, where our lives our spent on busses, in small towns, at fast food restaurants and stingy little dive bars - we really don't have too much interrelation with the outside world. From April through September our family is our teammates, and that family has rules that really don't apply to sane people.

In a world where there are games every day and the most important things in life are doing well and winning - tempers will get high, and with that much testosterone in one room, fights are bound to happen. Maybe if you were raised in a family with 30 brother's you'll understand what this is like. Otherwise, it's kind of like the documentaries about lions on Discovery Channel. All the angst, and aggression, and uncertainty that comes with our jobs is either shared with one another for support or taken out on one another in anger.

Yet, even while there is animosity - there is also a feeling of love and camaraderie that boils down to an "us-against-them" mentality. No matter how much tension or dislike you may feel toward someone in the clubhouse, you're still going to clear benches at the drop of a hat in that person's defense. It's this type of unity that leads a good ball club, and it's a brotherhood of athletes that exists at any level in any sport. If you don't believe me, think about the people you know who played college football - and think about how often they talk about the times they had.

During season we live in a state of hyper vigilance, and while being home is nice because we're able to turn all of this off, the amount of free time is scary and a little bit unnerving. I think this is because somewhere in the back of our minds, were doing the math that if were not working at something, were no longer in the game. And that is every ballplayers worst nightmare. The rest is good, but we're in the game because we have that motor - and when it's turned off, we have a lot of excess energy that can turn into a quick temper or a distracted mind.

Another reason that it's hard to come is that clubhouse living just has no place in a civil world. Truly, were not bad people - but some of the topics of discussion that come up over the stretch of a long season would make frat boys uncomfortable. With that much time, and that many 18-24 year old minds - the conversation is likely to  go anywhere, no matter how dark or depraved the subject matter.

The best way I can describe it is this - coming home from a season in the minor leagues is like coming home from Never Never Land. While it's cool to see your family again, and be home, and see your girlfriend or all your old friends, there's always going to be that nagging feeling that people somewhere are having fun without you. That's why we might be begging to go home in August, but once we get home we feel uneasy. And then by the time Christmas hits the department stores (the day after Halloween) we're ready to get out there playing baseball again. We're just grown up kids, playing a little kids game, and the reason we're good is not because we like to - but because we have  to.

A Week's Worth of TV

Monday -

1. Monday Night Football - that's so obvious. Unless it's like last week's game where no one cared about who was playing, monday night football is the best invention ever. It's like "Hey, I know that Monday's are the worst, so we're gonna give you the best part of the weekend as like a cherry on top of the turd that is Monday."

2. Dancing With the Stars - "oh but Cole....DWTS starts before MNF is over. How can I watch both?" Ummmm it's called a DVR cave person. Why don't you stop complaining and go shoot another Geico commercial? Also, DWTS is way better on DVR cause you don't have to watch them warm up and you can just skip to that annoying chick that was on The Hills and Hope Solo. No one else is worth watching - plus the judges will make you dumber.

3. Dexter - I know it's on Sunday, but I don't have Showtime out here, so I have to bootleg onto my brother's account and then watch it Monday. It's actually kinda nice, this way I can have Sunday night programming Monday afternoon (it's obvious I don't have a job isn't it?).

Tuesday -

1. New Girl - This show is hilarious, it's one camera so you don't get that horrible laugh track that makes me want to strangle small animals. Zooey (who spells their name like that?) Deschanel does a great job leading the cast, and they put the right kind of people around her so its not the most predictable thing in the world. It really does make me laugh, and even though it's a little contrived at the end with her always showing the other roommates how they can be better people in each episode, I tune in anyway. Plus - there's nothing else on Tuesdays - so I'm kind of in a bind.

2. Terra Nova - With DWTS and MNF both in the same time slot, I'm forced to watch this show on Tuesday afternoon thanks to Hulu. The first episode really wasn't that good, and secretly, I think Steven Speilberg is just trying to spend as much as he possibly can on each episode no matter what. But as a fan of cinema and production, I kinda have to watch it. Plus I can watch it at my own convince.

Wednesday - (this is when things start to heat up)

1. X Factor - Bring it. This show is the bees knees. It's the cat's pajamas. It's Luke Skywalker's dad. It's amazing sauce. On one hand, you get to see great singing - and for some reason even though not everyone knows how to sing, every human being has the ability to appreciate great singing and have it raise the hair on their arms. Also, you get to see Simon be really mean to people - which makes me feel better about myself.

2. Modern Family - This may be blasphemy, but MF might be the best show on TV right now. It's laugh out loud funny every single time AND, it can be really touching. It has one of the best top to bottom casts on TV, and with the way it's set up (having the three families be related) it will almost never run out of plot points and character development. Though it may run itself into the ground - by having the kids age so obviously and quickly, it may run it's course pretty fast.

Thursday - (best night ever)

1. X Factor AGAIN - yea, this show is on two times a week. Booya. On yo face hater. Also, I like when they ask the contestants what it would mean to win 5 million dollars, "Well, Bob, it would mean that I had 5 million more dollars. Any more brain busters?" I think journalists learn this question in the same class where they learn to ask "How do you feel about giving up the game winning home run?"  "BAD. I feel BAD."

2. THE OFFFFFICCCCEEEEE - Now, losing Steve Carell was really a sad experience for me. I'm still waiting for my dad to be able to work with him cause he is one of my all time comedy hero's. I understand why he decided to go a different way in his career, and the choice of replacing him with Ed Helms (Andy), is growing on me. This show is still my favorite show of all time. My parents never let me watch TV as a kid (they figured it would force me to read and play outside, not have a 5 nigh schedule by the time I was 22) so now, The Office is like part of my family.

Friday, Saturday I'm usually out and about (watching movies, not doing anything fun) plus I don't think there are any shows on anyway.

Sunday is football. All day. No exceptions.

Well....one exception. I had to stop watching yesterday cause every hilight was one of my Dad's players scoring a touchdown, while all of my players were apparently taking the day off. Being down by 50 in fantasy ruined my Sunday - that's a fact, that's out there now. Maybe Forte will pick up the 48 points I need to come out victorious. That happens? .........right? ....right......?

Captions to my Life

I was looking through my phone today and I started looking back at all the different photos I had taken since I first got it in Spring Training. Some of them are just stupid, most are just funny things to text my friends, and some were twit pics. I still thought putting some of the best ones up here and giving y'all a caption for each one would be fun. So this is a little look into my life, all these picture were taken by or of me in the time between Spring Training and now.

This was taken at a shop in a mall near the facility in Arizona. It's the worst sign ever made. Still, I am happy we don't have to do that messy "birth" thing anymore - we can just buy kids at the mall like everything else. I think there's a pretty solid return policy on them too.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! They have an entire store of Lego? That's a thing now? Nick Bartolone and I came dangerously close to buying something (cause we're grown ups) but the Indiana Jones scene we wanted was three hundred dollars....I guess that's how they can have a store now.

If you look really hard at this picture, you will see a very well disguised man in the middle of the frame. He's behind the trashcan, doing a running man pose. 

This is what you get when I get a box full of all black Under Armour cold gear and give Nick the camera. *Not on film is Kyle Blair (who was all in navy blue) and I have a super hero battle in the clubhouse.*

BANDIT BUNNNNNYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! This is my sidekick when I fight crime in my super hero outfit. It turns out that because it was all black, I was actually a super villain. Bandit Bunny and I do a "rob from the rich, give to the poor" type gig.

What up "Sons of Guns"? You aint got nothing on an all-out, apartment-wide, nerf BATTLE with no rules. There's also no way to really get anyone 'out', so we would just shoot each other a lot. Extra points were for making someone mess up while playing video games, or spill their drink. We also had Wild West shootouts.

I now understand why I only paid $5 for this steak. Boy am I gonna be full after this "Man vs Food" experience. 

This is how you say, "Were not gonna play tonight" in radar.

I'm not sure what is worse - the fact that his loved ones didn't stop this kid from putting what I think is a Nike swoosh in the side of his head. OR, that he's breakin his obvious Nike contract by rocking the Under Armour pullover. What a rookie.

Kids at home: this is why you don't miss middle-in. The ball comes off the bat a heck of a lot harder than it went in, and your glove simply isn't quick enough. Luckily, I had my ribs there. Great.

What do you get when you add:

A 10:30 am check out

A 3:30 pm bus

Cole Cook

Nick Bartolone

Chuck E Cheese

And $20 worth of coins?

A 50 cent foam rocket thing. 

Nick did not feed the deer. 

The person at the store wasn't happy when I said I had no interest in buying it, I just wanted to take a picture. But seriously, just a wad of chocolate? Don't they have Hershey bars anymore? This thing look like it got saran wrapped in the back this morning.

Nick called it a "Chunk O' Choc" - I think he should pitch that to Cindy.

Oh ya. It's real. Don't look at this picture too long - you WILL go blind.

From awesomeness...not cause it's so ugly. Stop being a jerk.

Couple things -
1. A Cedar Rapids person actually did make me measure myself cause he thought I was too tall, bet that doesn't happen every day. And as you can see - I'm the size right before "Hagrid".
2. I need to get in the sun more. Like a LOT more.


That's all for today folks. Enjoy your weekend and show your friends. Follow me on twitter (http://twitter.com/#!/C_M_Cook) and Nick on twitter (http://twitter.com/#!/NickBartolone), he's to blame for much of this hijinx.

If you have any questions or comments or whatever email me at colecook.soc@gmail.com.

Have fun out there

Steve Jobs - A Remembrance

Yesterday night we lost one of the greatest inventors ever to live and certainly one of the greatest minds of  our time. Steve Jobs death has got me thinking about a couple of things - things I would like to share with you all.



I find that more often than not, people think that the present is the only time that matters. That life is everything, as opposed to a part of a much greater whole. I think people look at the past and future as faraway places that don't affect the 'now'. It is a sobering thought, for instance, to think that the Roman Empire, one time the greatest power in the world (and now lost to the sands of time) lasted for almost 2000 years and the United States has been a independent country for less than 250. I think people forget that the present is soon to be the past, and that we will all become another piece. In no way have we reached our destination of human existence; there are still wars to be fought, regimes to be overturned, and empires to spring up.

It is with this in mind that I savor the fact that I was alive in the time of Steve Jobs. Now that may sound a little contrived for some of you - but I urge you to think about it. One day your kid is going to ask to help him or her with a  project about the great inventor of the 21st century, and you will be able to sit them down and talk about where you were the day the iPod came out. Most people in this country have benefitted of Job's genius in one way or another, be it an entire line of Apple products in your backpack or simply the easiness of the iTunes store. His creations have helped shape our world, and his life will forever be spoken in the same breath as Newton, Franklin and Edison.

We live in a time of giants. While it's easy to gaze with adoration as our grandparents recall the time they went and saw Babe Ruth play, keep in mind that we'll soon be recounting stories of watching Mariano Riveria break the all time save record. I'll be able to tell my kids about my experience in Dodger Stadium before Eric Gagne came out to close a game - it's still my coolest sports experience. We will be able to talk about where we were when LeBron left Cleveland (even though some of you don't want to ever talk about it). That's going to be a sports story for the rest of time - and we are all a part of it, simply by witnessing it (maybe that's poor word choice).

I've never met Steve Jobs. I've never shook his hand or listen to a speech. Still, he impacted my life with his genius. His contribution to the world, and his work is nearly unparalleled. He brought computers to the everyman and continued improving and developing products to forever push the boundaries of what we never thought possible. Maybe I'm over emphasizing the point, but I was saddened to see one of the brightest lights of humanity go out yesterday. He wasn't Mother Theresa or Ghandi, he didn't make wartime speeches or lead a charge at Gettysburg - but he has changed the world for the better, and for that - I thank him.

Steve Jobs was able to bring forth a new world simply by imagining one, and having the courage and ability to follow his dreams. We lost  brilliant mind and a brilliant man last night, and I think the whole world feels a sense of loss because of it.

The Carwash Video

Today I decided to not write a blog, but instead have my very first video installation of the blog. Hopefully I uploaded the video right and you guys can watch it - otherwise, it's just not going to be as exciting as I had planned. Sorry in advance for all the voices, I'm just strange like that. Additionally, the camera work is horrible - theres no excuse for that.

"Abduction" Review

Today, after my short day at the field, I went out and saw Taylor Lautner's new film, "Abduction". I didn't want to see it, in fact about a month ago I tweeted that I hoped no one ever saw it. But I was in the mood to see a movie and "Abduction" had got a score on Rotten Tomato of 4%. I had to see to it now. I thought, if nothing else, I would just "review" it for you guys. So without further adont here's my rundown of the human train wreck called "Abduction".

So this movie is about Taylor Launter who plays a high school kid named Nathan who is a "wild child" and has a feeling the he's a stranger in his own life. He also has anger problems and insomnia, so he has to see a shrink. He's also super in love with the girl who lives across the street. 

So the movie opens with Lautner riding on the hood of a truck down a highway. Apparently the audience is supposed to think this is cool and that Lautner's so crazy that this is what he does. Him and his friends go to a party where they talk to no one else but themselves the whole time. The only other time Lautner makes any sort of contact with anyone else besides his two guy friends is when he tough talks his neighbor's weird boyfriend. The two of them square off and almost fight but luckily the girl gets between the two of them and nothing happens - WHEW. BTW, Taylor Lautner trying to look tough is adorable. It's like seeing your puppy growl at a butterfly.

Anyway, so after the party Lautner wakes up on the lawn with his shirt off (2 minutes of movie has passed and this idiot is already topless, I suppose it's in his contract) and starts to help picking up from the party. As he's picking up garbage, his dad comes by and brings him home. Once they're home, the dad puts on boxing gloves and trains with Lautner in the back yard. 'Training' consists of them basically slap fighting, but the director has decided to max out the sound effect volume so it sounds like they're having a war of epic proportions. Then his mom breaks them up but grounds him for a month because he was out all night and didn't call.

The next day Lautner just stares at the girl he's stalking in the hall way, and she is getting really creeped out about it. Then in class the two of them get put together on a project, and the girl makes a face like she just got sentenced to a jail term. 

The project they have to do is about missing children and they find out that Lautner is really living with fake parents. He even asks his mom if she's his real mom and she says she's not - he then "cries". Right after this, two bad men come to the door and shoot the mother and father (who it turns out were undercover CIA agents). 

Lautner runs away but then goes back when he realizes that his neighbor is in the house cause she was coming over for the project. He goes back and kills one of the Russian black ops guys who was gonna shoot Karen (that's his neighbors name). Luckily, cause his dad taught him to fight and he wrestles at school, he's able to overpower a Russian special forces combatant - as you do. Right when Lautner asks who the guy is, the guy informs that he can't say cause there's a bomb in the oven. 

Remember, this guy was sent there to kill Lautner, but he wanted to quickly tell him that there's a bomb in the oven (never mind how the HELL a bomb got there). So Lautner and Karen dive in the pool and the entire house explodes. It's a great bomb, blows up an entire house. Then rubble from the explosion fall into the pool and Karen juts a cut on her shoulder.

So the two of them go to the hospital because Karen has a cut on her shoulder. Lautner calls 911 and instead of the police, the CIA picks up. Apparently they had a tap on 911 line, where it would magically know that if Lautner called, it would just be redirected to the CIA. 

Also, the mean Russian guy who sent the assassins the Lautner's house in the first place is now staying in a hotel room with his team, and they have a tap on the CIA's call. They're apparently really good with computers or something, who knows for sure?

Anyway - Lautner gets freaked out by the CIA guy and doesn't trust him. Then magically his therapist shows up to save him and get him out of the hospital. There is negative reason why she would ever know he's there, but maybe she has ESP or something. He gets Karen (cause if you really love someone you should take them on the journey when people with guns are chasing YOU). The therapist tells Lautner that she's a friend of his real father's and that she is also a member of the CIA, and the guy that he just spoke to on the phone is her old boss and not to be trusted. The only two people in the world that he should trust are his dad and some other guy who I don't remember his name. I wondered why Lautner was deciding to trust her, and also why she didn't put herself on her own trust list. 

Then they start getting chased by the CIA, cause the CIA is everywhere and can easily find cars in the backroads on Pennsylvania whenever they want. His therapist says she's gonna slow down just enough for the two of them to jump out and then she'll cause a distraction so they can slip away. It turns out that by "slow down just enough for you to jump out" means stop and then shout things out of the car before you drive away.

Luckily, the plan works and Lautner and Karen escape into the woods where Lautner decides they have to get into the river. This is based on nothing, but get into the river anyway. Apparently they're in the river for about 4 minutes because immediately after getting in, they're back running through the forrest again and now they're cold cause they're wet. Lautner goes and steals blankets from a gypsy woman in the forrest, marking the first time they split up (which is always the best idea when you're being hunted). 

So after jumping in the river, they decide to take a nap in the largest clearing they could possibly find cause after all - they've been on the run for at least 5 hours now, and they're super tired. If you're wondering if Lautner took the "were both cold" excuse to do the super awkward side shuffle right next to Karen -- he totally did. 

So they spend the rest of the night sleeping in the clearing right next to the river, and luckily the CIA and the Russians took the night off of looking for them cause I'm thinking hunting dogs could have found them in about 15 minutes. 

It is at this point in the movie when we finally find out that the whole reason the CIA and the Russians want Lautner so bad is that his dad apparently stole a list from the Russians that contains the names of a bunch of politicians who have sold secrets to the other side. And the Russians figure if they can kidnap the kid they can leverage it for the list so the CIA wants to protect him.

When Lautner and Karen wake up they hitch hike to the apartment where Lautner's therapist tells them to go and hide out. It turns out that the apartment is Lautner's fathers place and Karen decides to make a call. Apparently the CIA answering during the hospital call taught no one anything. Shocker - the CIA picks up the call (and the Russians are again listening in) and now Lautner has to leave the apartment cause they know where he is. 

So they take the car and go to grave site of his real mother because he found the address in his father's house. They get there and she's dead (its a grave yard) but there are new flowers at the grave. Karen pushes up her boobies and uses her feminine wiles to seduce the person who works the desk at the grave yard to see where the flowers came from. Apparently they have a database that all grave-flowers are tracked through. 

When Lautner's mother's name is put into the computer, this alerts both the CIA and the Russians who had flagged it (luckily no one had typed "Linda Price" into a computer ever before, so that worked). Now Lautner is on the move again, he wants to go track down the person that sent flowers to his mom because it's one of the people his therapist had put on the trust list. 

So they can't drive because the car is "hot" by this point, and they can't fly because they would be on no-fly lists. So they go BACK to Pittsburgh and his buddy (who makes fake IDs) has made them 3 IDs EACH for different states - he makes IDs REALLY fast. Now, with these fake ID's they decide to get on a train (I don't know why they didn't just get on a plain now that they have fake identities, but who cares). 

So they get on the train and one of the Russian thugs has followed them on by tracking the car (because you can track any car anywhere just be having the license plate). So Lautner and Karen get into their little room on the train and start going at it. Apparently the excitement got to them, and they simply had to make out and throw each other around the room. Before the actual deed goes down, Karen gets her head on straight and says that they need food. So she goes out and gets some - by herself (this is the second time they split up). 

The Russian guy kidnaps her and she tells him what room Lautner is in. Then Lautner and him have a fight and during this fight he realizes that his father had been training him the whole time, not just being an abusive jerk as he originally thought. Apparently this allows him to forgive his fake parents for never telling him they weren't his real parents. So, with his high school wrestling training, he defeats his second black forces agent and throws him out the train window. 

At this point, the CIA apparently has found out where they are stop the train. Who knows how they knew - maybe they used the therapist's ESP magic. So Lautner gets off the train with Karen and the run off into the woods again. 

Magically, the CIA are on the same road the two of them are walking down and they get stopped. As they're running away the CIA guy points out that no one has guns, and that they're there to help. Lautner at first is uneasy, but then the CIA guy says, "You've been running for 22 hours. You must be hungry. Let me get you a burger and a shake." Apparently Lautner's fake dad taught him how to fight but not how to resist strange men who offer you treats to get in their car. So, after 22 hours of running and killing two people - Lautner and Karen decide to surrender over fast food. 

The CIA guy explains to Lautner what's happening and Lautner realizes that he's had the list the whole time, because he stole a cell phone from his dad's apartment and the list is on the phone. However, the  Russians have figured out where they are, and kill every CIA agent who was supposed to be working as security. However, after successfully killing half a dozen agents, they miss the one shot that counts and Lautner slips out the back door. I don't know why after staging a full scale breach they didn't put anyone on "guard the back door" duty, but these guys aren't the best group in the world. 

So Lautner and Karen are now all alone, and after stealing a car to get away from the diner shoot out (he can steal cars now) he goes back into the city. On the way to the city he tells Karen everything he just learned from the CIA guy and then receives a call from the head Russian. "Funny how cell phones can be turned into listening devices. Give me the list or I'll kill everyone you know."

It IS funny how remotely you can turn a cell phone into a listening device. That's probably the same kind of technology they used to get a wire tap on the CIA. 

So now Lautner is in a hard way and tells the Russian guy that he'll give him the list, but they have to meet at a public place. It turns out that this place is the Pirates game. Lautner gets his friend to give him tickets and bring him a Clemente jersey and Karen a hat. Reminder - this is the same friend that made them 6 ID's like 14 hours ago, maybe this guy wants a little bit more than friendship.

So Lautner goes into the game (by himself, the third time they split up) and gets a call from his real father who tells him that he has to back off because he can't win but he's also proud because he's seen seasoned agents that wouldn't have been able to handle what's been going on the past day. It is at this point I think we should get better agents, cause the kid didn't really do all that much. 

So the Russians show up, and I forget how, but the CIA knows they're there and show up too. Lautner and the Russian sit down next to each other and the Russian asks for the list, Lautner reaches under the seat where a gun has been taped - how did it get there? Who knows. Maybe his magic friend did it, even though I don't know how that's possible. As he's reaching for the gun, the Russian guy tells him that he was the one that killed his real mother and this story makes Lautner put the gun back, cause he wants to "hear about his parents". 

When the Russian is done telling the story, Lautner reaches for the gun again but it's not there!! BUM BUM BUUUUUUM. The Russian guy stole it! While he was eating popcorn! Cause he's magic!

So now he has the gun and demands the list from Lautner, but Lautner escapees by knocking the popcorn up in the air and running away. The Russian, who is a trained assassin, top secret agent, and black ops expert is not expecting this and Lautner loses him in the crowd. 

Lautner calls his dad while he's hiding in a shop and his dad tells him to bring the Russian outside the stadium by the south parking lot because, "I'm here." Lautner decides to trust someone that he's never met and has no way of knowing is his real father in the first place and lures the Russian guy out of the stadium. 

The Russian finally catches Lautner and points the gun at him (from 200 yards) so Lautner stops. They tough talk a little bit, and have some back and forth banter before Lautner's father finally takes the shot and kills the bad Russian guy. At this point the CIA shows up and arrest Lautner for stealing the list or something. 

BUT WAIT. The CIA guy's boss shows up and it turns that he has been selling secrets the whole time and one of the reasons he wanted the list so bad was because he wanted to protect himself. So now the CIA guy gets arrested and Lautner is free again. 

Lautner's dad calls him and tells him that they're never going to see each other (thanks for the call dad). Then Karen shows up out of no where, apparently she knew where he was going to be, and to top it off the therapist shows up again (maybe Lautner has a tracking device on him somewhere). So now that he has no family, the therapist says she can live with him for as long as he wants, and that apparently makes everything better. 

However, instead of going home with the therapist, he goes back to the game and him and Karen have a heart to heart about how he's "ready for her now" and "what a great first date it was". 

That's how the movie ends. With them kissing in an empty ball park after the game. Apparently now that he has a foster mother/therapist/ex CIA agent to live with, the fact that the people who raised him and his birth mother being dead are fine. Also the fact that his father is alive and well but doesn't ever want to see him is fine - because now he has a girlfriend. 

Basically, if it weren't for this blog, I would have walked out in the first 10 minutes. Today was a long one, and I'm sorry, but if you're still reading go ahead and leave a comment, or email me a question (colecook.soc@gmail). Have fun out there 

Bieber Poster

Today, because I'm tired and a little bit sick AGAIN (thanks Arizona weather), I'm gonna keep this quick. Take a gander, if you will, at the following picture.

I took this picture as I was passing a part supply store in Goodyear. Looking back, maybe it's weird that I took a picture of a Justin Bieber poster, but I promise - there's a good reason. 

I didn't know what this poster is supposed to be advertising, or promoting - but I've come out with a few possibilities. 

1. This is a party for Justin Bieber and he is a VIP. The language really is very confusing. Based simply on the English language, that's what this poster means - but I don't think that JB needs to outsource his party posters to "Party City" in Goodyear. I'm sure he has people for that. Also, if JB had his own party (which is exactly what a Justin Bieber VIP Party would seem to be) wouldn't he probably already be a host? I mean - it's HIS party.

2. This is a Justin Bieber themed party. I understand that this is most likely what this poster is referring to. I'm not even gonna touch on how absurd a Justin Bieber party is, and instead skip right ahead to the part that says - "VIP Party". Is the whole party a VIP party? If that's the case, then it kinda ruins the whole point of having a VIP if everyone at the party is one. OR, even worse, is this poster placed somewhere in a bigger JB themed party, and only the cooler 10 year old kids are allowed in this section? "Sorry Sally, you're not allowed in the VIP Party. You didn't share your gel pens with Kate last week. You're not on the list."

3. This is just a regular party poster, but they're letting Justin Bieber know that if he shows, he'll be a VIP. I would think this goes without saying. Doesn't he have three platinum tracks and a grammy or two? OBVIOUSLY he's going to be a VIP. Maybe the hosts of the party just hang this up in case JB rolls by and wants to get down. In which case he'll know that he'll get a warm reception at this particular shindig. I'm sure this works, I hear JB hangs out in the Goodyear area A LOT.

4. It's a warning against the growing occult of popular culture in our society. And by making JB huge, and having ships and airplanes appear to be tiny in comparison, the makers of this poster are saying that we are promoting a culture in which we are creating false idols. And instead of light hearted poster about a 10 year old's birthday party. In reality this is a cautionary, propaganda poster warning about the demise of our culture at the feet of these false gods. And by exalting these false gods, and thereby breaking the Third Commandment brought forth by Moses, we have created a reality in which pianos are no longer linear or small, but instead are monstrous and wrap around the sea and the sky in a way that breaks the laws of physics and creation. 

I'll concede that number 4 is a stretch. But I still think this poster is stupid. Drew Rynienwicz made "Baby" a way better song anyway.